It's Not About the Why, It's About The Win

Happy Mother’s Day

When I was younger (I can say that with more fervor now that I’m 40), I had a poster sized version of a poem by Virginia Satir that I truly thought was the meaning of life.

My Declaration of Self-Esteem

I am me. / In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. / Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it. / I own everything about me — my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself. / I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. / I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. / Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. / By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. / But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me. 

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. /  If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out the be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. /I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. / I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

So… twentysomething years later… I think I’m still okay, but I definitely see this poem in a new light. I used to think I could control what parts of my life would define me. Now I know better. Now I know it’s the things we cannot control that truly define us. The instincts and emotions that came with becoming a mom, for example, re-defined everything about me. Andrew’s cancer and Michael’s accident re-defined me at my core.

Now I know Satir’s poem isn’t the meaning of life, but it’s still a damn good piece of advice on how to live it. Focus on what you can control, try to let go of what you can’t. Even on my best days, I’m not very good at this, but I will keep trying. I know it’s the best way to navigate these waters we’re swimming in, especially when the tide brings in challenges we thought we’d never face.

Moms out there, declare your self-esteem this Mother’s Day, you deserve it. Go ahead and say it out loud: “I am me and I am okay.” Yep, I feel stronger already.

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Update: It took Andrew a little while to recover from that weird blood infection on the 20^th, and as soon as he was really getting his strength back, he caught a cold that he’s still fighting now. Hopefully it will pass without any fevers or other complications. We had a bit of a concern over declining platelets, but that’s looking better (whew!). Even with the infection and now the cold, his other counts are staying exactly where we want them, which is great news. Michael is ready to put his first year of high school behind him. It was hard, but he did well and I’ve been very pleased with the support network available to us at Pomona. So, all in all, things are good!